Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Please for the love of god don't ever play this game.

Alright, alright, this may very well get me disqualified since we haven’t watched the show in class yet, but seeing as how I’m not versed well enough in any of the shows to write a game for them, "The X Files" is the only one, but I haven’t watched that regularly in about 10 years, I figured I would do this.

I hope I get extra points for the fact that I was actually drinking while coming up with this game.

The following are instructions for the “Lost” watching night of debauchery.

I’m assuming everyone is going to begin watching at the very start of the series, and then watch every single episode in a row. If you’re not dead at the end of this drinking game, you win.

Pound a beer if the episode opens with a shot of someone’s eye.

Drink for the entire time the word “lost” is displayed on the screen.

Take a shot if someone says “don’t tell me what I can’t do”.

Take a bong rip whenever Claire screams, if she screams “my baby” or any variation thereof, follow the bong rip with a swig of beer before you exhale.

Chug a beer if jack seems to randomly know someone from the past for some reason (ex, when he first sees Desmond in the hatch and he’s all “you” and you can just imagine everyone else thinking “we’re stranded on a fucking deserted island and this motherfucker runs into someone he knows?”)

Take a shot if you forget that Boon(e) and Shannon are brother and sister, take 2 shots if you suddenly remember, and are grossed out.

Take a sip of beer when Sawyer uses a nickname, take 2 sips if he says someone’s real name.

Take a shot whenever someone calls Sawyer by his real name, take an extra pull from the bottle if you forget for a moment who the hell James Ford is.

Smoke a cigarette whenever there’s an overly glamorous shot of Kate, Sun, or even Anna Lucia, take a long swig of beer if said shot somehow involves water, or the character being soaking wet for some reason.

Take a hit from a joint whenever Hurly says “Dude”

Take a sip of beer when someone calls Hurly “Hugo.”

Pour a bottle of champagne all over yourself and your friends and into everyone’s mouths whenever Mr. Echo brutally murders someone.

Take a shot whenever someone says the word “Lost”

Take a shot of beer whenever someone comes to Jack for something that they could have done themselves. Take 2 shots of beer if Jack responds by giving them a disinterested look and an aloof attitude. Take 3 shots of beer if he claims not to be the “leader” of the group, when clearly he is.

Do a line of coke whenever Sayid does something horrible. Take a shot if he mentions how he swore he would never do it again, but does anyway.

Take a shot whenever you notice a “coincidental” use of those crazy numbers from the hatch (ex. the Oceanic flight number).

Take a shot whenever Lock displays irrational faith in the island.

Mainline a hit of heroin whenever Charlie does heroin

Take a hit from a joint whenever Jack uses a gun surprisingly well for a spinal surgeon who theoretically would have taken a Hippocratic Oath to do no harm.

Take a shot whenever we see a coincidental encounter during a flashback.

Smoke a cigarette whenever you wonder just what the hell Benjamin Linus is up to.

Drink a beer whenever you notice background characters that are never involved in anything, finish the beer if we discover their names.

Take a shot whenever Michael says “MY SON!” or any variation thereof (ex “stay away from my son!” “I need to do what’s best for my son” etc.)

Take a hit from the bong whenever two characters beat the crap out of each other.

Drink a beer while driving around the block whenever an actor from the show gets arrested for drunk driving, banished from Hawaii, and consequently has their character killed off.

Hey look! It’s the crazy black smoke! Smoke a blunt whenever you see the black smoke.

Drink a glass of French red wine whenever crazy Rousseau wanders dazed out of the jungle.

Take a swig of beer whenever Claire says “sorry Charlie” and try not to choke while you’re laughing at the fact that she just said “sorry Charlie.”

Take a sip of beer whenever Charlie calls Aaron “Turnip head.”

Take a sip of beer whenever Jin speaks bad English, and try not to choke while you’re laughing at the fact that the actor who plays Jin speaks perfect English.

Do a bump of blow whenever someone says “the others.”

Take a sip of beer whenever you wonder how the hell they don’t get lost wandering around in the woods on that damn island.

Hey, your friend passed out, write “Drive Shaft’s biggest fan” all over his body in sharpie, then sing “you are everybody” or whatever the hell their one hit song was, high five each other, and go outside to puke. Slow down on that coke, friend.

Run around the house with your pants around your ankles every time Kate can’t make up her mind about whether she wants Jack or Sawyer.

Con a friend or stranger out of all their money every time we see Sawyer do so.

Take a shot every time Jack puts himself at unnecessary risk completely ignoring the fact that he’s the only doctor in the group. Perform unnecessary surgery on a friend if Jack gets hurt or comes very close to getting hurt (suggested operations; appendectomy, breast implants, skin graft).

Take a shot whenever Locke looks like he’s thinking about something very pensively, chase it with a beer if he’s thinking about his father.

Take a shot whenever Jack looks like he’s about to cry.

Take a swig of beer whenever someone has an issue with their father.

Take a swig of a beer whenever there is a Dharma Initiative brand product.

DAISY CHAIN! If any of the questions posed in the show are ever answered, turn to the person to your left and perform oral sex on them.

Extra points go to anyone that can play a game of “never have I ever” that’s as badass as the one Kate and Sawyer play.

And finally, if you’ve followed all these instructions and at the end of a few episodes you aren’t confused enough to actually feel like you’re lost on an island, pat yourself on the back and get some goddamn sleep you crazy party animal asshole.

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