Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The truth is WAY out there if you're drunk

Settle down, children. It's time for...

The X-Files Drinking Game!

This game is best played with beer, wine, or mixed drinks. If you would like to substitute shots of hard liquor, feel free to use the metric of 4 sips = one shot.

- A sip each time Scully comes up with a mundane reason for why something bizarre has happened.

- A sip each time Mulder introduces a laughably absurd theory in response.

- An extra sip if it involves Aliens or UFOs.

- Two sips each time Mulder's theory comes true.

- A sip if Scully still won't accept Mulder's theory, even when there's a startling amount of evidence to prove otherwise.

- Two sips when she finally relents.

- A big gulp if some giant, splashy UFO thing happens and Scully just so happens to be the only person who doesn't see it.

- Take a sip each time Mulder has an excited, expository monologue that explains an aspect of pseudoscience to Scully.

- Two sips if it involves an overly complected metaphor.

- Three sips if Scully responds with a witty retort.

- A sip each time Mulder says the word "truth".

- A sip each time Scully says the word "belief".

- A sip each time Mulder eats sunflower seeds.

- A sip each time there is at least one bee.

- A sip each time the black oil makes someone's eyeballs go milky.

- A sip each time A.D. Skinner scrunches up his face in frustration and begrudgingly allows Mulder and Scully to do something unorthodox.

- Two sips if there's a shot if him later in the episode, alone in his office and looking troubled.

- A sip each time Scully gets kidnapped or abducted.

- An extra sip if she gets knocked out.

- Two extra sips if she's tied up.

- A sip if Mulder mentions his sister's abduction.

- Two sips if there's a flashback to that fateful night.

- Three sips if Mulder says "now I understand!" once he flashes back to reality.

- A big gulp every time the Fox censors replace the word "necrophiliac" with "death fetishist".

- A sip each time Mulder drops or loses his gun.

- A sip each time Cancer Man either lights up or extinguishes a cigarette.

- A sip each time Frohike hits on Scully

- A sip each time Byers references the Kennedy assassination

- A sip each time Langly claims to be the best in the world at something.

- An extra sip if he claims to be the world's best hacker.

- A third sip if Frohike tries to argue the point.

- A sip every time there's a hypnotherapist.

- Two extra sips if a main character is the one to undergo hypnotherapy.

- A sip anytime someone dies.

- Two sips if they're autopsied by Scully.

- Three sips if a main character dies.

- A big gulp if they're somehow resurrected/found not to be dead after all.

- A sip each time Mulder and/or Scully ends up in a darkened forest, basement, or warehouse.

- Two sips if they start calling each other's names in the darkness.

- Three sips if they also have giant flashlights that cast very precise, clear beams of light.

- A sip any time Mulder meets with Deep Throat or X

- Two sips if he tapes the X to his window in order to call the meeting.

- An extra sip if he tells Mulder to keep his nose out of places where it doesn't belong.

- A sip any time any character actually says the phrase "X-file"

- Two extra sips if it's Mulder, and he's referencing some obscure X-file from 50 years ago that he just so happened to have been looking at last week.

- A sip each time an episode ends without either Mulder or Scully feeling like they got the full picture of what actually happened.

- As big a drink as you want if the ending voice over is so good it actually gives you chills.

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